Live Me Page 13

  The tension in my body dissipated and the ringing in my ears was reduced to a low hum as I relaxed. “I was only going to clean myself up, you know. I’m a mess.”

  “You’re perfect.”

  “Yeah, okay. My makeup is everywhere, I probably have snot running down my face, and my hair—”

  He put one finger against my lips to quiet my ramblings, articulating each syllable, “Per-fect.” His eyes bore into mine.

  Gulp.

  His finger felt like a weight against my lips, and I resisted the urge to slip my tongue from my mouth and take a taste.

  Before I lost my cool again, I looked sternly into his eyes. “I’m getting up now.”

  He nodded and inched toward the other side of the couch, looking as though he needed to get away from me too. Making sure I didn’t miss my opportunity to escape, I jumped up and made a beeline for the bathroom.

  I splashed water on my face and wiped away the runaway mascara. Applying a cool compress to the back of my neck, I leaned across the porcelain and looked at myself in the mirror.

  Pull it together. You wanted this, you got it. Now figure out what you’re going to do with it.

  I inhaled and exhaled ten deep breaths, smoothed my clothing, then made my way back to my guest.

  Blake was still in the spot where I’d left him—leaning back with his arms draped over the back of the couch, exposing a slice of his belly and his very happy trail. My fingers twitched, wanting to trace that blissful path.

  As if he could sense my thoughts, he yawned and stretched his arms up high above his head, widening my view of his perfectly sculpted abs and revealing those hip bone divots that drove me wild. I gasped and he smiled his adorable lopsided grin. Being this good looking was just sinful.

  “Come. Sit.” He patted the vacant area next to him.

  I sat and turned to face him, noticing the mischievous glint in his eyes. “What?”

  He reached behind him and pulled out the clear shell that housed the most delicious cupcake in the world, and twisted it in front of me.

  “Hand it over.” I stuck out my hand.

  “Uh, uh, uh . . . not so fast.” He backed away from me. “I told you there’s only one way to eat these puppies. I’ll break you in slowly, but next time you’re getting the full effect.” With hungry eyes, he popped the lid and the sweet smell immediately flooded my nostrils. I closed my eyes, my mouth instantly watering. I had an insatiable sweet tooth, and I couldn’t wait any longer.

  “Gimme a bite,” I said in a breathy whisper.

  Still smirking, he raised his eyebrows. “How bad do you want it?”

  Oh, he was going to play games with me? Well, I wasn’t giving in. Screw the cupcake. I clamped my lips shut and frowned, crossing my arms over my chest.

  He raised his eyebrows, completing his cocky grin. “Tell me, Angel, or you’re not getting any. I have no problem eating it all by myself.” He swiped his finger through the icing and held it out to me. My lips parted and I inched toward him, waiting to taste the sweet goodness, but then he yanked his finger away and submerged it into his mouth.

  “Hey!”

  “Come on. Say it.” He licked his lips, closing his eyes, and savoring the taste. “How bad do you want it?”

  I slumped my shoulders in defeat. “Bad.”

  “Doesn’t sound like it to me.” He licked a piece of icing slowly, curling his tongue around the smooth topping and letting it linger there.

  My mouth itched to suck it off his tongue. I licked my lips and bit down, inching closer to him, my heart racing from a damn dessert. “Come on, gimme a bite. Pleeeease.” I dragged out the word, doing my best puppy dog impression.

  He shook his head, being just as obstinate as me. Damn him. “Not until I hear you say how bad you want me . . . I mean it.” The glint in his eyes told me he’d meant for that slip up.

  Playing his game, I pushed my face as close to his as I could without physically touching him and steadied my gaze. Something flickered behind his eyes, and he took a sharp intake of breath. “I want it.”

  The corner of his mouth quirked, delighted I was complying. “How bad?”

  “Bad.” I settled myself closer, fingering his arm. “More than anything I’ve ever wanted. My mouth waters for it. My body aches for it. If I don’t get it soon, I think I’ll die.” I let my eyes settle on his mouth and then trapped my lip between my teeth. I could play the double meaning game too.

  He began to peel the paper down each side, taking his time. “That bad, huh? Sounds pretty serious. It must mean more to you than you let on.” He looked up at me through his long lashes.

  “It does. It means . . . everything to me.” Though I wasn’t sure how or why, I genuinely meant those words and I needed to get my point across.

  He dragged his finger through the icing once more and brought his finger to my lips, tracing the salivating circle. My tongue slithered to one corner and followed the same path he’d just taken. His eyes widened, not expecting my boldness. Hell, I wasn’t expecting my boldness but it felt good and I wanted to test the normal waters for a change.

  “Sure you can handle this?” I said through shortened breath.

  Mouth tipped in a cocky grin, he grabbed my finger, dipped it into the icing and brought it to his parted lips. His eyes seared into mine as he flicked his tongue over the tip, and I gasped. Slowly, he licked the inside of my finger clean. I squirmed, feeling each swipe between my legs. He made a circle around the top before pushing it inside his mouth.

  I almost fell off the couch.

  Oh. My. God.

  His tongue was warm and soft, curling around me. Lost in his ministrations, I wanted to feel it everywhere. A tremor followed my exhale.

  His voice was husky. “You taste delicious. I’ll bet every inch of you tastes just as sweet.” And then he nipped the tip of my finger with his teeth.

  I swallowed the moisture pooling in my mouth. How I wished he would find out whether or not that was true.

  He broke off a piece of the cake at the bottom, containing the rich frosting in the middle and held it close to my lips. “Take a lick.” Though it held no threat, his tone left no room for disobedience.

  Letting myself enjoy this, I dragged my tongue up the center of the cupcake, and his eyes blazed with desire, his pupils dilating. He put the cake to my lips, and I took it inside my mouth.

  Following its path, he slid his thumb inside my mouth as he breathed in ecstasy, “Beautiful.”

  Immediately, my walls slammed down, reinforcing my icy fortress. My eyes widened in horror, and I snapped my head back as I was propelled into a different time and place. Remembering the fear, the panic, the disgust.

  I scrambled to the opposite end of the couch and blanketed myself with my arms. “Get out.”

  “What?” His breathing was still labored while shock engulfed his features.

  “You heard me. Get. Out. Get out now!” I was in full panic mode.

  He reached for me. “What did I do?”

  I recoiled from him. “Don’t touch me. Don’t you dare put your hands on me. You’re just like him.”

  “Just like who? Tell me what I did!” He looked desperate. He didn’t understand. Logically, I knew he couldn’t possibly, but there was no reasoning with my emotions right now.

  “Just. Leave. Me. Alone—Go!”

  He set what was left of the cupcake on the coffee table. With a frustrated but calm voice, he leveled his eyes on me. “This is number two, Angel. Your second bug out. I’ll go because I can tell that’s what you need right now. But when you calm down and come to your senses, you’re going to have to explain to me what it is exactly that I did so it doesn’t happen again. And, by the way, I don’t know who the him is you’re referring to, but I would never hurt you. Remember that.” Without another word, he stood and walked out, slamming the door behind him.

  I flinched at the abruptness. The half-eaten cupcake lying in front of me only fueled my anger. Tonight had gone fr
om great to disastrous and it was all my fucking fault. I screamed, tears flooding my eyes as I hurled the damn cupcake as hard as I could at the door Blake had just retreated from. Pieces of cake exploded, crumbling into scattered pieces, much like my insides.

  “You fucking psychopath. What is wrong with you!” I screamed out loud, watching the icing drip down the door.

  You did it again.

  I pummeled my legs with my fists before throwing myself into the cushions and crying myself into oblivion.

  I awoke the next morning in a blanket of anger and dread. How had I let myself react that way? And worse, I’d accused him of being just like him. Flipping out and making him leave was bad enough, but now he’d surely know I was hiding something.

  Groaning, I rolled myself off the couch and into the shower. I closed my eyes as I rested my forehead against the tiles, letting the water cascade over my slumped form. Memories from yesterday invaded my thoughts, and I tried my best to push them away. My body seemed to be getting lighter as I allowed the water to cleanse not only my physical being, but my soul as well.

  This too shall pass . . . right?

  Shirt over head, mascara to lashes, blush to cheeks. I went through the motions of getting ready in a zombie-like state.

  You need to end this. You’re making mistakes.

  I didn’t bother to answer myself this time. I didn’t have the strength. Not trusting myself, I checked my belongings three times to make sure I didn’t forget something in my current condition. Then I unlocked my door and froze.

  At my feet lay a stunning arrangement of dainty, sky blue flowers. At the heart of them, a silver star-shape rested behind a sunny yellow center. I slowly dropped to my knees and caressed the smooth petals, my brows worrying a line between my eyes. As my fingers glided over the tops of the sprouting buds, I spotted the scroll at the bottom of the box.

  “To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.” ~ Audrey Hepburn

  My hand came up to cover my mouth. He was forgiving me . . . again. Tucked behind the scroll was a card that read, “Open Me”.

  With shaky hands, I withdrew the hard paper.

  Angel,

  These are forget-me-nots. I chose them hoping you’d do just that. They’re the annual flowers I was telling you about that are forever getting a second chance at life. Each leaf symbolizes something I want you to remember.

  Forget Not in life there are do overs

  Forget Not you’re cared for

  Forget Not you’re a strong and incredible person

  Forget Not . . . Me

  Forget Not you only get one more bug out, so choose it wisely ;)

  I giggled at that last line through teary eyes and rubbed my thumb across the winking smiley face he’d placed beside it.

  I’m not giving up on you, and I’m not letting go of life’s second chances and what I know we could have. I know it’s sudden and maybe it’s crazy. I don’t fully understand it myself, but I’ve never felt this way about anyone before and certainly not in this short amount of time. There’s something about you that draws me to you, makes me want to protect you. Consider being mine and you’ll always be cared for. It might not be easy and I may have to put you over my knee every now and then ;) But I’ll suffer the consequences of that for you.

  Plant your feet with mine and stop running from me and from yourself. I promise I won’t hurt you, but don’t take my word for it. Just try with me. That’s all I ask. I’ll be there when you’re scared, and remind you of your feelings when you want to run. I’ll be your friend, your companion. Remember to always remember. Remember to forget-me-not.

  Your BFF, Blake

  I looked down at the glistening flowers as another drop rolled from my chin, landing on them. I wiped my face with the back of my hand and replaced the card in the envelope. I was openly sobbing in my hallway, but I didn’t care anymore. Why did he have to make it so hard to say no? Why did he have to be so persistent and so sweet? He said the perfect things and gave me hope. I’d given up on hope so long ago, but he always managed to ignite a spark, my glimmer of light in a dark tunnel.

  I had to make him stop. There’d be no second chances for me. I didn’t deserve them. He had to understand why this could never happen.

  I tucked my head between my knees and curled into a ball.

  Two strong arms lifted me up and cradled me against a familiar chest. “Come on, love. Let’s get you inside.”

  He lowered me to the couch, the pressure of his hand smoothing down my hair. Through my sobs, I heard the rustling of paper being extracted from an envelope. When I opened my eyes, Jace was staring at me through a tear-stained face. “Eva . . .”

  “Don’t. Don’t, Jace, please.” I hopped to my feet and retreated to the bathroom to fix myself. I felt his presence in my doorway, his stare burning a hole into the side of my head as I focused on the mirror. “I know what you’re going to say, and I don’t wanna hear it. I have to get to class. And, by the way, so do you.”

  The sympathy in his voice vanished and was replaced with conviction. “I’m giving you until the end of the week to make a decision. I’m not standing by and watching this anymore. You’re either going to be with him or you’re going to cut him off. Or I’m leaving, Evangelina, because I can’t stand it anymore.”

  I scowled at him, even though I knew he was right. I knew what I had to do, and I would. Just not yet.

  I wasn’t ready to let go of him yet.

  Oblivious to the hustle and bustle of the cafeteria, I sat, staring off into space, picking at the plastic lid on my coffee cup.

  “You okay, hon?”

  My finger halted, and my eyes flickered toward Sandra’s concerned voice. She and Jessie sat across from me, pity etched on their faces as though they could see all my broken pieces.

  I squirmed in my seat, feeling exposed and vulnerable, and put on the best phony smile I could muster. “Fine, why?”

  Her gaze descended to the contorted cup being strangled in my grasp. I would really have to pay better attention to my tell signs. Clearing my throat, I pushed it aside.

  “Where’ve you been? We haven’t heard from you since the bar on Friday,” Jessie asked.

  “I laid low this weekend,” I told her, carefully putting the lie together in my head. “Went to visit my boyfriend on Saturday, and the rest of the time I pretty much spent at home.”

  “Boyfriend, huh?” Jessie raised her eyebrows, her mood shifting as she curled her torso over the table. “I was sure you were going to end things to be with the panty-dropping Blake.”

  “Now why would you think that?” I asked, trying to bide time while I found all of my pieces and stuck them back together.

  “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because the two of you are so madly in love, you practically make babies just by looking at each other.”

  “We are not in love. We hardly even know each other.” I shoved her arm and averted her attention away from me. “What about you? You and Rick looked awfully fond of each other. I saw you making goo-goo eyes at him.”

  Jessie’s body deflated as she sank back into her chair. “I like him. A lot. But he always keeps me at arm’s length. Every time I think he feels the same way and he’s going to make a move, he pushes back and we have to start from square one. It’s so frustrating.” She grimaced. “He’s around so many hot girls. Maybe I’m just not pretty enough.” Lines formed across her forehead.

  “Stop it. You’re gorgeous and you don’t even know it, which makes you even prettier. Besides, he likes you. I can tell. Maybe he’s just not ready for a relationship,” I tried to reassure her.

  Jessie blinked. “I didn’t say I wanted to marry him. But the guy’s gotta date, right?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know him well enough yet. I’ll try to feel him out if I can, though. Promise.”

  “Thanks. You’re the best.” Her smile returned, and I was thankful. I liked this Jessie better. The girl was too sweet to be upset.

  Sandra cut in,
“So where’d you learn how to sing like that?”

  My spine stiffened as the attention shifted back in my direction. “My whole family is musical. I guess you could say it’s hereditary. I never really thought about it.” Growing up with a dad who played in a band, music was always just around. It was a staple in our household.

  “You were seriously amazing,” Sandra praised. “I’ve never heard anyone sing like that. The way you belted those notes. You need to be famous.”

  I laughed. “I wouldn’t go that far. I’m all right.”

  “You’re a lot better than all right,” Sandra argued, dipping a fry in ketchup and stuffing it into her mouth. “You’re amazeballs. Blake seemed to think so, too,” she trilled in her sing-song voice.

  At the sound of his name, my belly did a summersault. I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “Thanks.”

  Must. Change. Topic.

  “So, Sandra, who’s the guy you met? You were gone before I got a chance to meet him.” I pulled my coffee in for another sip.

  She instantly sprung to life, her whole demeanor changing as she gushed. “His name is Jeremy, and I think I’m in love. He’s a grad student, studying graphic design. You have to see his drawings. They’re incredible. And he’s so nice and sweet and hot!”

  “Whoa, slow down.” I put my palms up, smiling. “You think you like him a little?”

  Her face softened. “I do. I really do. He gives me the tingly wigglies.” She shivered.

  We all laughed. “Sounds serious.”

  “It is,” she sighed. “At least I hope it is. We’re meeting at the bar again tonight, so we’ll see.” Sandra checked her watch. “Crap, it’s late. We gotta go.”

  We all jumped up, blowing kisses goodbye and running in different directions.

  The sound of chairs scraping the wood floor as they were brought down from their resting place greeted me when I walked into work. As much as I needed the money, I was hoping for an easy night. I hadn’t been able to pull myself out of this funk all day.