Live Me Read online

  “I don’t think I’ve ever wanted you more,” I spoke into his mouth.

  Blake broke the kiss and yelled into the mic, “You hear that, guys? She wants me!”

  The place erupted in a roar, and I wrapped my arms around his neck and jumped onto his waist. “Always. You fucking rock.”

  Blake laughed. “I told you I can’t sing.”

  “No, but you were right. You make for a hell of a show trying.” I winked.

  We made our way back over to the group, who by now were sloshed and rowdy. Blake set me on my feet, and Abby slurred, “Oh my god, Eva. I love your boyfriend.”

  I laughed. “Thanks. He’s pretty amazing, isn’t he?” I smiled at Blake.

  Abby smacked my arm. “Yes! He’s so much fun. His friend’s not too shabby, either.” She bit her straw and moved her eyes to Eric, nudging me with her shoulder.

  “Uh-oh. Still on that?”

  “I wish I was.” Her gaze roamed the length of him before she clapped a hand over her mouth, her eyes going wide. “Oh my God. What’s wrong with me? What did you put in these drinks?” She squinted, inspecting her glass.

  I put my hand on top of it and pushed down until it rested on the bar. “I think you’ve had enough of those.”

  “Yeah, maybe.” She scratched her head and shrugged. “I’m gonna go potty. I’ll be right back.”

  A while passed, and I noticed Abby still hadn’t come back. I hoped she wasn’t sick in the bathroom. “Hey, Rick, can I have another minute?”

  “You got it.”

  My eyebrows knitted together as I searched the faces in the crowded bar. None of them belonged to my sister. Walking to the next room, I went up on my tippy toes, craning my neck when I spotted her. She was backed into a corner, her chest rising and falling heavily as Eric stood, enveloping her, with his head drawn down and slanted, obviously ready to go in for the kill. I had to think fast.

  Did I want this to happen? This was my chance to get her away from Damon. But with Eric? The guy was a player who’d been with half the female population.

  But she liked him, right? And I wanted her to have fun. I also wanted her the fuck away from that scumbag.

  I ducked my head and moved to get closer and hear what was going on.

  Eric was whispering something in Abby’s ear, running his nose along the bridge of her jaw. Her face was flushed, her body arched toward his. She wanted this.

  Eric’s lips were only a breath away from Abby’s. “I’m going to kiss you now. Is that okay?”

  Abby nodded slowly, licking her lips and closing her eyes, her body drifting toward him like a magnet.

  Eric lowered his head the rest of the way, cradling her face. His tongue flicked out to taste her lips, and then he tilted his head the opposite way and kissed her slowly like he was trying to memorize every inflection of her mouth. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. I felt funny intruding on their intimate moment though I couldn’t help the smile that played on my lips.

  Eric broke the kiss, resting his forehead against hers as they both panted in tandem. He dragged his thumb along her bottom lip. “Too bad these belong to someone else. They’re fucking incredible.”

  Abby’s eyes flew open. Her hand came up to cover her mouth as tears filled her eyes. “What’ve I done? I’m so sorry.” She ducked out from under his arm, causing him to fall against the wall.

  I hurried to catch up with her, but she sprinted past her friends, calling over her shoulder on the way out the door, “Come on, guys. We gotta go.”

  Disappointment washed over their faces, but it was probably for the best. They were all pretty toasted.

  The cool air hit me as I bolted over the threshold, looking left and right. Abby was bent over, one hand resting on her knee and the other at her mouth.

  “Abs!” I called after her.

  She straightened. “Eva, what the hell did I do? I can’t believe I just cheated on Damon!”

  I swallowed the bitter taste of that. “You obviously felt something for him, Abby.”

  “We can’t speak of this—ever. We have to pretend this never happened. Do you hear me? If Damon ever found out . . .”

  “Wouldn’t be such a bad thing,” I muttered under my breath.

  Abby blinked at me. “What did you just say?”

  I squared my shoulders and leveled my voice. “Maybe Damon isn’t as right for you as you think.” There, I said it.

  She narrowed her eyes and barked at me. “Do you hear yourself? Are you insane? He’s all I know. We’re meant for each other. You fucking know that!”

  And here she was, defending him as usual. My blood boiled as I spoke through my teeth. “He’s no prince charming, Abby. Stop acting like he’s perfect.” Fuck. I’d slipped up.

  “I can’t believe you’re saying this to me right now,” she spat at me. “What’s your problem with him anyway? You act like such a cold bitch around him.”

  My spine stiffened. That was a slap in the face, but she was drunk and didn’t know the truth. “I’m going to act like you didn’t just say that because you’ve had too much to drink.” Then I softened my voice. “I don’t want to fight. I haven’t seen you in months, and I love you.” I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “All I’m saying is, maybe seeing what else is out there isn’t the worst idea in the world. That way you know for sure you’re making the right decision.” Which would never be the right decision, but I couldn’t find the words to tell her that. Not yet.

  Abby fell back against the wall, the weight of everything taking a toll. “God, it felt so good. I felt it. I felt things I can’t ever remember feeling before. I’m horrible, aren’t I?” She put her face in her hands and sobbed.

  I rubbed a soothing hand down her arm. “No, you aren’t horrible. You’re human and maybe Damon’s not the one. And that’s okay.”

  “I love him, Eva.”

  I winced hearing those words, but covered it up quickly. That fuck’s got her brainwashed. I knew all too well his ability to do that. “Maybe you’re not in love with him anymore.”

  She shook her head, rubbing her temples. “I can’t think about this right now. My head’s spinning.”

  “Hey, Abs . . .”

  “Yeah?”

  I almost told her her right then. My mouth hung open as I tried to find the right words. She should know what she was dealing with, that she wasn’t a bad person for having feelings for someone else.

  But then I looked into her glassy eyes and thought better of it. This wasn’t the time or place for that bomb. “Never mind. Go sleep it off. You’ll feel better tomorrow.”

  Blake emerged, winded. “You guys okay?”

  “Yeah, we’re fine,” I said.

  Abby offered Blake a strained smile as her friends joined her. All but Jena, the designated driver, were walking crooked.

  “Well, it was nice to finally meet you.” Blake gave her a lopsided smile. “I don’t know what went on back there. I’m sorry if he crossed a line. If it’s any consolation, my boy’s tore up. You did a number on him. You Ricci girls are no joke.” Blake winked and pulled her in for a hug. “You’re sure you’re okay? Do I have to give him a slap?”

  “I’m fine, really.” She sniffed. “Thanks for asking.”

  “No problem.” Blake turned to me. “See you inside, Angel.” I watched him jog back in with a grateful smile on my face.

  Jace appeared, bracing his hands on either side of the doorframe. “You bitches are too much drama for me. One of you full time is enough to handle.” He stumbled beside Abby and dropped a heavy arm over her shoulder, causing her to rock on her already unsteady feet. “Come on. Drop me off and you can tell Aunt Jace all about it.”

  I kissed Abby’s cheek. “You guys better be careful. Call me when you’re home.”

  I planted my hands on my hips and exhaled a deep breath, looking back to the door, not wanting to finish my shift. I was spent. Though I hoped I’d at least planted a seed for Abby to think about.<
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  Eric sat at the bar with a scowl on his face, two shots in front of him and one empty glass. He looked up as I wiped a towel in front of him, clearing away the remnants of what he’d spilled in his haste. “I’m sorry, Eva. I don’t know what got into me. I wanted her so damn bad, I couldn’t stop myself. She told me she had a boyfriend—not that that’s ever stopped me before, but I know she’s your sister. I never would’ve disrespected you that way, even though I like to give you a hard time.” He slung another shot down his throat and spun the last full glass between his fingers.

  “Don’t worry about it. You kind of did me a favor actually. I can’t stand her boyfriend.”

  “Yeah, well, I didn’t do me any fucking favors. I’m not getting her out of my head anytime soon.”

  I pulled back, studying him. “Whoa, I’ve never seen this side of you before. Don’t you usually bang anything with a heartbeat? I always kind of thought you were incapable of feeling or something.”

  Eric snickered. “Gee, thanks. Tell me how you really feel.”

  “I’m sorry. That came out wrong.” I covered his hand with my own in an attempt to apologize, but he quickly pulled it back, emptying the last shot down his throat.

  “I don’t wanna talk about it.” Eric shoved away from the bar, unsteady on his feet. “I’m outta here, B.” He gave Blake a pound and ran his fingers through his hair, bunching a fistful at the back.

  I nodded to Blake. “Go with him. I don’t like how he looks.”

  Blake frowned. “Yeah, you’re right. Something’s really got him going. I’ll be back before you’re done.” He took off after him, and I looked on, concerned for the guy who, before tonight, I wasn’t sure I even liked. The guy I was praying would change the course of my life.

  Black.

  That’s all I saw. I hadn’t realized how long I’d been sitting on the roof, staring off into space, faintly registering snowflakes falling around my tucked in knees. I’d dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie, and climbed up here because there was something about snow on Christmas that made me brush aside my hatred for all things precipitation.

  That was hours ago.

  At least I thought it was based on the fact my hair was crunchy and frozen, and my fingers were blue . . . or purple. In the dim light of dawn it was hard to tell. I clenched and unclenched my fists, trying to bring back circulation as I stared out into nothingness.

  Blake had bought me an iPod and loaded it with songs for me to listen to when we were apart and I couldn’t sleep. He spent most nights with me, but last night he’d stayed at his parents to celebrate the holiday early. That was probably a big factor of why I was up here right now. Thankfully, he helped to keep my night terrors away somehow. But in his absence, and with the weight of this day looming, it couldn’t be avoided.

  Steven Tyler’s voice bled into my ears, singing about an angel coming to save him. The corner of my mouth turned up. I was numb, but that knock on my heart I felt. Like a little tickle, letting me know he was always there, tucked inside its beating walls.

  Of course, Aerosmith’s Angel would be on there. When he sang how loneliness took him for a ride, it brought my mind to a young Blake. Living his life as his father’s pawn. No one knowing what he was going through internally, drifting along in his stilted journey.

  I smiled, hoping I was making a difference in his life somehow. Starting with today. The day he’d spend his first holiday away from his family. With me . . . and mine. I took a deep, jittery breath.

  I was scared out of my mind.

  Not knowing how this would pan out was eating me alive. But I would do it. For him. I’d bring him home. To a house that was no longer a home. I just hoped I wasn’t making a huge mistake.

  I’d have to stay on my tippy toes to make sure everything went smoothly. I was very different from the girl who’d left a few months ago, and I needed to be strong today. I’d left as Evangelina, but I was bringing Angel home. I wasn’t perfect and I didn’t know if I’d ever be, but I was slowly changing. My cracks were still visible, but they were superglued now. I’d put off going back long enough. It couldn’t be avoided anymore.

  Blank.

  It was like being asleep while you were awake. I didn’t even know where I went when I drifted away. Like my mind was giving me the reprieve it knew I needed against my knowledge.

  I shook my head, trying to evoke life.

  The sun was barely up. I tilted my head to the dusky gray sky and caught a snowflake on my tongue, scrunching my nose. That action brought me back to Blake once again. Seemed everything led to him these days.

  Ironic, Phillip Phillips’ Home was next on his playlist. As I contemplated the loss of a home, the song told me he was my home now. And he was. He was always with me even when he wasn’t.

  I smiled broadly, feeling my strength fortify. I’d never be alone again. Not if I could help it. I’d spent too many years trapped away with those demons.

  I rubbed my hands together and hopped off the lounger. Even though I hadn’t forgiven myself yet, it was time to move on. Blake needed a place to call home too, after all, and my walls needed to be sturdy for him.

  A few hours and a steamy shower later, Jace knocked on the door with a travel mug in his hand. “Ready to go, sugar lips?”

  That smile was reserved for one thing, and it was barely noon. I looked at him questioningly. “Yeah, I guess so. It’s gotta happen, right?”

  “Do you know how you’re going to handle all this?” He hopped up on my stool, and swung his legs, crossed at the ankles.

  “Not yet. I’m hoping with everyone around and Blake with me, there’ll be nothing to worry about. Fingers crossed.” I held up two twisted fingers and made the sign of the cross.

  “I’ll come by later on and check up on you.” He took another hard swallow, smacked his lips together and smiled with the grin that gave himself away.

  “Jace, what’re you drinking?”

  He shrugged. “Eggnog. Why?”

  I raised an eyebrow. “Plain eggnog?”

  “Hell no. Go wash out your mouth.” He crinkled his nose in disgust.

  “You lush. You realize it’s still morning, right?”

  “Hey, I’m on vacation. This is what I do on vacation.”

  “Yes, in the Bahamas maybe.”

  “Hush it. It’s five o’clock somewhere. It’s all good.”

  “You have issues.” I shook my head.

  “I do. My best friend’s a lunatic. I need this fuzz in my head to make it through a day with her.”

  “That’s not nice,” I pouted.

  “Oh, I’m only kidding.” He hopped down and put his arm around my shoulder, his mug landing right under my nostrils.

  “Gimme a sip. That smells delicious.”

  “Oh, really? I thought I had issues.”

  “Well, we all know I have issues. No secret there.” I rolled my eyes and took a sip. A coughing fit ensued. I should have known better than to taste anything in that boy’s hand.

  “How much rum did you put in there?” I wheezed.

  “Mind your business.” He snatched the cup out of my hand and cradled it to his chest. “Come on. Let’s go get lover boy.”

  “Okay.” I laced my fingers with his. “Jace?”

  “Yeah, baby girl?”

  “I’m scared.” I looked up at him from the corner of my eye.

  His features softened. “I know you are, but you’re handling it very well. You’ll be fine. You’re fierce. Rawr.” He nudged his shoulder into mine.

  I smiled unconvincingly. “I hope you’re right.”

  “Sweetie, I’m always right. Trust. Now come on. Let’s do this.”

  Blake jogged to the car with Victoria on his heels. He leaned his forearm on Jace’s window. “How’s it fair that you ride shot gun with my girlfriend?”

  Jace’s face was smooth. “Don’t make me bite that arm, honey. My name’s been on this seat since she got this car. It’s got the indent of my ass and everything
. I only let you borrow it when I’m not around so she doesn’t feel like a chauffeur.”

  I leaned over the inner console. “Told you you’d have a fight on your hands.”

  Blake frowned and lugged his bag in the backseat before following it and slamming the door. Victoria took his place at the passenger window, extending her hand to Jace.

  “Hi, I’m Tori. You must be Jace.”

  “The one and only. Aren’t you a pretty thing.”

  “Well, aren’t you sweet?” she gushed.

  Jace winked. “Like candy, baby.”

  Victoria laughed, but then her smile faded. “I wish I was coming with you guys.”

  I felt bad leaving her here. “Next time, I promise. Someone has to keep your mom company.”

  “Yeah, yeah. I know.” She sighed, sweeping her long, dark hair over her shoulder. “Ugh, that man.” She straightened. “Well, have fun. I just wanted company while I sulked. Love you guys.” She tapped on the door and flitted off.

  Blake scooted to the middle of the backseat with a smile in his eyes.

  “What?” I asked, wondering what he was up to.

  He brought his arm up to drape a familiar looking green leaf above my head and licked his lips, inching forward. “Merry Christmas, Angel.” He pressed his lips to mine, and I melted into them with a smile. He pulled back and kissed my nose before sticking the mistletoe in his pocket.

  “Where’s mine?” Jace looked longingly at Blake.

  “Don’t push your luck.” Reaching through the opening, Blake adjusted the radio. “So, what’re we jamming?”

  Jace swatted Blake’s hand away. “Don’t even think about it, tight buns. That bitch is all mine. Music is my thang.”

  “Well, then thang already. I hate a quiet car.”

  Jace looked at me while he pushed the presets, searching the stations. “So demanding. How do you put up with him?”

  “He’s hot.” I shrugged. “And he smells good.” My eyes glittered as I licked my lips and looked at Blake in the rearview mirror. “And he tastes even better . . .”

  “All right, shutty. You’re making me lose my nog.” Jace cranked the volume. “Yazzz, here’s my jam!” Madonna’s Vogue invaded the car, and Jace bounced up and down in his seat, bringing his hands around to frame his face in different poses.