Breathe You (Pieces of Broken Book 2) Read online

  I took a deep, calming breath, replenishing my air. “What if I told you he hurt me, Abby?”

  She paused. “Truth?”

  “Truth.”

  “Truth.” She let out a deep exhale. “Truth is, if you or anyone else told me Damon had hurt them, I’d call you . . . or them . . . a liar.” Her eyes held no uncertainty. “That guy wouldn’t hurt a fly. We all know that.” She waved me off, dismissing the topic. “Now stop messing with me and eat your breakfast.”

  A liar.

  My insides coiled and pieces of me chipped off and flitted away. “I’m not hungry,” I murmured.

  My eyes glazed over and I felt myself beginning to break. I had been right all along. She’d never believe me. She was so blinded by him and his evil fucking voodoo that any attempt to tell her would be seen as a joke, or worse, a lie. It was exactly what he’d said would happen.

  “I don’t feel so good.” I slid out of the booth and grabbed my belongings.

  Abby began to choke on her bite and took a few big gulps of orange juice to try and clear her throat. “Where’re you—”

  I tossed a twenty dollar bill on the table. “Here. Sorry to cut things short. I’m glad you came to see me. I’ll call you soon.”

  Even hearing her yell my name from behind me, I kept going, not knowing how long I would be able to keep it together. My worst fears had been confirmed.

  I’d never be free of this.

  Never be able to tell her.

  If I wanted to have any type of relationship with my sister, and my family, I had to keep this to myself.

  Forever.

  I DROPPED TO my knees and looked up, pleading for some direction from my friend Bertha. Though Blake had only introduced me to the old willow a few months ago, I felt like she knew so much about me and my past. So much more than anyone . . .

  The second I was in her presence, I felt comforted—protected and guarded as she continually helped hide my ugly underneath her massive beauty. I rested my back against her trunk.

  “What am I gonna do? I knew this would happen, Bertha. She’s never going to believe me, and I’m never going to be free of this. Free to be with . . .” It hurt too bad to even have his name on my tongue, so I kept it to myself. Anxiety bubbled inside at her silence. She bared no hint of what my next move should be.

  “Talk to me. Help me! Please.” I crumbled, sobbing helplessly into my jeans, feeling like a broken soul. Empty. Hollow. Useless. I needed him as much as I needed my next breath.

  Breath.

  Blake.

  Breathe.

  The more I pictured the serenity behind his eyes, the warmth under his fingers, the solidity of his touch, the more vibrant I felt.

  Life.

  Live.

  Live me.

  It already felt like it was coming back. Feeling an overwhelming need to purge, I pulled my phone from my rear pocket and opened up my notes as quick as my fingers would move.

  I feel him

  Though I know I should forget, he’s there—picking at the scabs he left behind

  Try as I might, he remains

  Slipped under my skin, he circulates through my veins

  He asked me once to live for him

  Little did he know, he was bound within

  Locked inside my being, floating around my soul

  His absence a constant reminder of why my heart will never be whole

  Why my lungs don’t expand quite the same

  Why my guts are limp inside and lame

  It’s an unkind, cruel joke when life rips away a piece of you

  Tears away your flesh with empty promises to start anew

  For this is a wound that is not meant to heal

  There will be no Band-Aid, my scars will not seal

  Though I’m no stranger to suffering, this breeds a whole new kind of pain

  It’s blinding and searing, like a poison rushing through my veins

  I’m in him, and he in me

  And only when I allow that to happen, can we ever truly be.

  I looked toward the horizon through the blurry pools in my eyes, then up to Bertha as a smile appeared on my face for the first time in weeks. Realization spread like wildfire, creating a sizzling warmth I’d forgotten about. I needed him. I couldn’t do this without him. Good or bad, right or wrong, I had to find him.

  Now.

  MY BODY ROCKED side to side as passersby bumped into my shoulders, but I kept my course, undeterred. I had to get to him and tell him how I felt. Apologize. God, I hated myself for the way I’d hurt him. My heart skipped a beat, worried that I may have used up all of my chances. That my three bug-outs had been real and Blake wouldn’t forgive me.

  I’d pushed him away so many times. So many. How much could one person take? A person with as much love to give as Blake?

  My shins burned with the effort of my clipped pace. I ached to stop and stretch them out, alleviate it, but there was no time to waste. I prayed I hadn’t already succeeded in extinguishing what he felt for me. Because I needed him. God, I needed him. I couldn’t do this on my own. My insides were crumbling.

  With a heaving pound in my chest, I rounded the next corner and stopped abruptly as the air sucked out from me in a quick suction.

  There he is.

  My gaze floated from the leather jacket stretched across his broad back, to the raven hair brushing his collar, up to the camera propped in front of his icy-blue eye. My chest felt full, like my heart had grown a fraction at the mere sight of him. One of my pieces returned.

  With a smile, my sights drifted across to the object of his attention—her.

  A girl who bared a striking resemblance to me was leaning over the rail at the top of the steps leading into his apartment. She was staring off at something, her blonde hair blowing in the wind as he scrutinized her.

  I covered my mouth as tears welled—my weak legs giving way, sending me slumping to the ground. She’s gorgeous. After a moment, she straightened and smiled wide at Blake, who was inspecting the newest found treasure on his viewfinder. I watched his lips spread into an appreciative smile before he motioned for her to come down to him.

  She bounced to his side, looping her arm through his, and peaked up on her tippy toes, leaning into his shoulder to look at the image. It brought back so many memories—the way he looked at that screen, the way he looked at her. That hurt worst of all.

  Through his smile, Blake said something to her, and she nodded enthusiastically. He grabbed a bag that had been lying by his ankles and slung it over his shoulder. I rushed to get to my feet and out of the way before he turned and saw me.

  I pushed up from the ground just as she slid her arm back through his and they both turned. A wave of nausea rocketed through me at the eeriness of seeing him with someone who looked so much like me. It was easy to imagine that was still me by his side.

  Unable to peel my gaze from them, I backed up, hitting the brick wall behind me just as his eyes locked on mine. Even from here I could see the paralyzing intensity his gaze held. He dropped his arm, his smile fading as he instinctively took a step in my direction. Gathering myself as quickly as I could, I pushed off the wall and took off around the same corner, running as fast as my weak legs would take me. As fast as my blurred vision would allow.

  A car whizzed by, and I stopped short, narrowly escaping running into it. My chest heaved, knowing how dangerous that could have been, after seeing what had happened to my friend Sandra last semester. Our carelessness while crossing the street had landed her in the hospital with numerous injuries, almost dead.

  Once in my apartment building, I ran past the doorman, ignoring the wave of his lifted arm. When I got to my floor, I banged on Jace’s door repeatedly until he threw it open.

  “What the . . .”

  “Oh, Jace,” I wept, falling into his arms.

  “Baby girl? What’s the matter?” He squeezed me tight, and I felt the pounding of his heart beating in the same rhythm as my own.

>   “It’s . . . so . . . bad!” I hiccuped.

  “What is? Talk to me. You’re freaking me out! Did he hurt you again?”

  I brought my head back and searched his eyes. “Wha . . . no. No. That’s never happening again.” I sniffled, wiping my arm along my nose and making my way into his apartment. I plopped down on his sofa.

  “I saw Blake. With a girl.” My breath hitched through my sobs. “He was taking a picture of her. She looked just like me . . .” My voice trailed off.

  “Fuck, Eva.” He exhaled, relief filtering through his irritation. “I thought someone died. Don’t do that to me.” He pulled a few tissues from the box on his coffee table and threw them at me before sitting across from me.

  “He’s moved on, Jace. For real. We’re over.” I searched his eyes, panic rising in my chest. “What have I done? I’ve lost him.” Memories of all the times I’d asked him how Blake was, only to get silence in response, flooded back, and I felt my face flush in anger. I narrowed my eyes. “This is why you never answered me? You knew, didn’t you?”

  He seemed to pull himself back to reality. “No, I didn’t know. Why would you think that?”

  “I can tell even now you’re not telling me something. You’ve been hiding something ever since . . .” I looked away. I still couldn’t think about that day.

  “Eva, I wouldn’t hide something like that from you.” The bluntness in his tone had me believing him despite the way his eyes skirted from mine briefly, giving me the impression he wasn’t being completely forthcoming. “Maybe it’s a misunderstanding. Where did you see them?”

  “Outside his apartment.”

  “Why were you at his apartment?”

  “I was going back to him, Jace. I can’t do this without him, and now I have no choice.”

  Jace straightened his spine. “Well, good then.”

  “Excuse me?” I narrowed my eyes at him.

  “Blake is not your crutch, Eva. He’s a man who loved half a girl. If it’s ever going to work out between you two, you need to be strong. Whole. You need to fix yourself. Become that bad ass bitch I remember. And you need to do it on your own. Pussy-up.”

  His words scared the shit out of me. I didn’t want to be alone anymore. I’d spent so much time by myself, screaming in dark rooms, shivering on cold rooftops. I wanted Blake’s warmth. His protection. His security.

  I lowered my voice. “I don’t want to be alone, Jace.”

  “Then tell your family. They can be there for you.” He flung the words at me as though it were common sense.

  Another punch to the gut. “I tried. That’s the other thing.” I gulped. “I met with Abby this morning.” Jace stopped fidgeting and honed in on me. Uncomfortable, I lowered my gaze. “We went for breakfast. I asked her what she would do if she ever found out Damon had hurt someone, and you know what she said?” I snickered with heartbroken sarcasm. “She said she wouldn’t believe them.”

  Jace paused briefly, searching me for the truth in my words while he tried to decide whether or not they were valid. Finally, he let out a comforting sigh. “You’re not just anyone, Eva. You’re her sister. She’d believe you.”

  I shook my head. “Wrong again. I asked her. I said what if it were me.” I looked down at my white-knuckled fingers tied in knots.

  “And?”

  “Same response.”

  Jace waved me off and crossed his legs to the other side, hurriedly. “I don’t believe that for a second. She couldn’t have been taking you seriously.”

  “I don’t have the answer to that, Jace. All I know is that both of my worst fears were confirmed this morning.” Fresh tears began to stream down my cheeks.

  Jace soothed me for what felt like hours, the tears a never-ending flow. When his shirt was soaked through with my sorrow, I finally peeled my head away. Ironically enough, I needed to be alone. Without a word, I kissed him on the cheek and left.

  THE SKY GLOWED a bright shade of orangey-pink as the sun set, but as beautiful as it was, I couldn’t enjoy it. So many rises and sets of the sun had been wasted on me, usually seen through a blurred, liquidy vision. I was still in the same spot on the roof I’d crashed in when I had left Jace’s place, thankful once again for landing an apartment on the top floor that gave me easy access. Where I could hide. Sing out my sorrows. Music from my iPod flowed into my ears, my brain numb from the heavy words each song spoke. I couldn’t feel my fingers, so I knew I’d been up here much longer than I should have been, but I just couldn’t seem to make myself move. My heart, a faint, unfeeling organ beneath my ribs, was just as lifeless.

  With my eyes closed, my head swayed as the soft words to Sara Bareilles’ “Breathe Again” drifted from my solemn lips. Her lyrics brought me to a painful place, reminding me of the life I had left in my rearview mirror the day I was forced to turn my back on all that was important to me.

  A tear trickled into my mouth as I sang of wanting to breathe again. Needing to inhale his air—knowing he was mine. I remembered it all. In flashes, everything dashed before me as the heavy words passed my lips.

  The first day we met when he’d donned me with the name Angel.

  Him in my doorway wearing a black suit, his sparkling blue eyes peeking over a red rose the night of our first date.

  The first time we had made love and the fire it stoked within me, feeling us become one.

  Nestling beneath Bertha, learning each other.

  Bertha.

  Lying on the cold dirt, staring at the glimmering gold chain Blake had given me for Christmas dangling from his fist.

  It hurts to be here.

  The secrets.

  Him begging for the truth.

  Running away from him.

  Running toward him.

  Deciding I wanted him back.

  Her. Him with her.

  What am I gonna do?

  My hand instinctively wrapped around my throat, trying to aid the constricting burn of too little oxygen—thin, lifeless air that was all too familiar, mixed with the fire of a watery death as I swallowed my salty emotions.

  I’m sorry I pushed you away.

  He’s the air that I would kill to breathe.

  God, I can’t fucking breathe.

  With a shuddered sigh, I dropped my head to my knees, succumbing to the burden I had been carrying around and the heaviness weighing down my limbs. Tired and numb, everything inside of me was giving up.

  Jace slipped next to me on the lounger. “There you are.”

  I jolted, startled I didn’t hear anyone coming. When I realized it was him, my body relaxed into his, and I dropped my head to his shoulder. “Here I am.”

  “I think we should go out,” he stated as blandly as if he were talking about the sunset.

  I sniffled. “I’m a fucking mess, Jace. Going out is the last thing I need. Just leave me here. I’m used to this. I’ll be fine.”

  “Yeah, so um, no.” He grabbed my hand and tugged.

  I winced at the immediate soreness to my muscles that hadn’t been stretched in hours. “Jace, come on. Really. I’m not in the mood, okay?”

  “I already called the girls.” His eyes held no room for negotiation as they zeroed in on me. “They miss you, and they’re excited to see you, so you’re coming. We’ll go to The Backdoor so you don’t feel uncomfortable. I’m not asking, honey.” His eyebrow raised, daring me to counter.

  He dragged me down the stairs and straight into my bedroom before he started rummaging through my closet. I plopped down on the bed and watched him in a somewhat catatonic state.

  He turned to face me. “Uck, you look wretched. Go wash yourself, please. We’re not going to a rodeo.” With the flick of his wrist, he dismissed me to the bathroom.

  An hour later, I was deemed “passable” to Jace in my skinny jeans, peach silk top, and wedges. I’d even curled my hair and put on some makeup. It was the most attention I’d given myself in a long time, and it felt good.

  I took a deep inhale. “Let’s go.�
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  The music was pumping when we swung the door open to The Backdoor. The bar was packed and stocked with three bartenders, and for a moment I was jealous I wasn’t one of them. They would make a killing tonight.

  I zigzagged through the crowd in an attempt to make my way over to Rick and say hello when I was pulled back by my waist and enveloped in a tight squeeze. “I missed you soooo much!” Jessie squealed in my ear. “Jace said you were coming, but I didn’t believe him.”

  I turned my head, my face brushing against Jessie’s wild blonde curls, and spoke over the music. “Nice to see you, too.” A genuine smile warmed my lips.

  She laced her hands with mine. “Come on. We have a spot already.” With her enormous Jessie-smile, she spun around her curls twirling with her. “Hi, Jace.” She placed a kiss on his cheek and then tugged my hand toward the bar. Sandra and Jeremy were sitting close to each other, smiling and deep in conversation.

  “Look who I found!” Jessie announced.

  Sandra spun to face me, her face instantly glowing at the sight of me. “Well, if I didn’t see it with my own eyes. Hey there, girl.” She hopped off her stool to wrap me in a hug.

  “I didn’t die, guys.” I fisted my hips.

  “You’d never know.” Jessie hopped onto a stool, lounging over the bar. “Hey, Rick! Thirsty here!”

  Rick held up a finger without turning around, counting the stack of money he was depositing. He shoved the drawer shut with his hip and turned, his smile illuminating when he saw me. “Well, it’s about damn time you came out. What can I get you, darlin’?”

  “Not you, too.” I rolled my eyes. “Amaretto on the rocks, please.”

  “Changing it up, I see. Will do.” He turned his attention to Jessie. “Another?”

  She tipped her empty glass toward him and pushed it to the other end of the bar. “Give me two if you’re going to take forever every time.”

  “Packed bar here,” he retorted, lovingly. “Be patient, Princess.”